I’m writing in pain and sorrow ,Hello and welcome back to my not professional blog.I recall the good old days when she was still there , how sweet she was caring and all. it’s sad that I didn’t visit her more often.I actually regret it tbh.

The day I first visited her she was fine jovial and all I remember how she’d make hot mandazis and tea for us using firewood.Chrismass season was the best for us . she’d welcome us warmly she was just so sweet

The second time she visited us , sh wasn’t used to televisions as such so on seeing it she’d scream and stuff . By then she wasn’t okay we had tried our level best to help her but it was all in vain.On that specific day I had worn a trouser so she was like your dad is not supposed to see you in your trouser so she took one of her shukas and covered me

Two years ago I visited her once again , by the her condition wasn’t that well but she was good to me .I remember her complementing my braids๐Ÿ˜ฉ they were freshly done so they looked superb,she was like Kwani machine ndio ilikushuka .She was hostile towards the rest but to me she was cool and all.

Her condition kept on deteriorating at an alarming rate.I remember how she would insult her kids .It was so painful there are times when she’d go missing for days .Upon being found she’d say that she went to say hello to her mom who had passed.

There is a time she went missing for a whole week we were so scared we made announcements she was found after a week good thing is that the place where she was found it was a pastors place.

Shosh it’s so sad that you had to go but God knows best may your soul rest in eternal peace we loved you but Gods timing can’t be ultered we will surely miss you


I honestly don’t know how to begin the blog,heyy family it’s been a while I’ve honestly missed you guys

So today I’m writing about my other family, the two people mentioned above are blessings to me suheyla being my big sister and Amril a very good friend.I honestly dont know how to begin Aisha(Amril) I met her through a friend the meeting story was so funny .I had asked a friend of mine to intriduce me to any Muslim girl since wanted to say my shaada and feared going to the Masjid.So my idea was after being introduced I’d sweet talk her so that she could take me

Amril is one amazing girl, i remember how I’d go telling her all my problems and she always encouraged me.I wanted to know more about the demand she didn’t mind teaching me wherever you are Amril just know that i love you for the sake of Allahโค๏ธ

During one of our random chats she told me she has a friend who will teach me the dean the friends name was Suheyla .I must admit i feared texting her .After texting her i loved her instantly.She was so warm and sweet .she taught me a lot she is still teaching me and I’m honestly enjoying

The sisterhood in islam is so amaizing.There is nothing as nice as someone out of no where coming to you smiling and saying Assalamu Aleikum it’s just amazing. I really love you sister suheyla you’re honestly the best person ever Amril too


Weeel ,I honestly don’t know how to even begin.i went missing and left doing what I loved the most expressing myself in writing

So offlate things haven’t been quite smooth.Yeah I must admit that eeehmm there is a good side if it but the negative side wins.There is no bad thing as doing something wrong yet you know it’s wrong.It will keep slapping you. But what can we do smile, we humans do anything absolutely anything then end up blaiming the devil

Technically I’m not used to writing such things but here is where I get the chance to freely open my heart.There is something that always bothers me like it leaves me crying,you wont imagine hoE my head hurts by the time I’m sleeping.

I’ll call it a trend most of my agemates seem cool and stuff then there is me the boring one who doesn’t even knoe to dress how sad๐Ÿ˜”,my sense of style is just boring but that’s me. I literally wear anything that comes my way.There is a time a very close friend of mine said something about my dress code that made me hate everything about me .I hold nothing against the He witness worshipers but there is nothing as bad as being compared to them.

I know it’s wrong comparing yourself to others but weeeel some of us are just weak .It makes me feel less of a person,when did i go wrong ?but thats me.

It just sucks


Sex & hormones

Well I might not have the perfect titles but here I go.Not that I’m trying to anika my friend but I thought it would be nice if me to share something.A million years have passed since I wrote my boring stuff and I’m here once again

Someone close I won’t mention the name they are actually two people I’ll write their stories separately. I’ll call one Tracy, she is more of a sister.So the girl has been doing twatwa! Not once or twice .Most girls love sex I must admit. The moment you start it will be hard to stop doing the act. My friend had two “partners” the boyfriend and the boyfriend, the boyfriend is bit older compared to the bestie and he is ever busy since he works for an NGO .Girl was after the bag,she started having coitus at an early age around 15

She lost her virginity to some random dude as they played some funny game(cha mama cha baba).After reaching 18years Tracy knew she was old enough to do anything she wanted I mean her boobs were full and juicy, puberty favoured her to be honest .She was hot๐Ÿ˜,not forgetting her perfectly shaped body the lean cute face, flat tummy . Seeing her would make you melt

She met the boyfriend around mid -february a day after valentine’s that was when they officiated stuff little did she know she would be in for it. I had earlier mentioned the boy was older 27years to be precise then the girl was only 18.He has his own house a ,a nice car and good salary. During weekends Tracy would visit him for maybe the whole week or weekend depending on her schedule We all know when a girl loves you she will love you with everything she has(I term that as stupidity ๐Ÿ˜‚).

The two would smash without protection ,raw sex is sweet hello ๐Ÿ’,the girl would use emergency contraceptive after doing little research the two say using e-pill was expensive .
They visited a clinic and were advised to use the 28day pill , which happens to be 100kenyan shillings.The pills are good I must admit but the issue is the girl was only 18, using the pill usually ulters your cycle, makes you add weight it makes the skin smooth but the demerits are more compared to the merits

The boyfriend was sent to do some duty out of the country , the girl was already an addict since to her sex was a daily drug. During the random talks with her bestie she told him she is horny and wants her coochie hit right, the bestfriend couldn’t resist i mean a shoulder to lean on can also be a dick to ride on(stupid statement but don’t mind me)

Tracy wasn’t so consistent with the pills then after she heard that it may cause weight gain she stopped using the pill and started using the e-pill(a good friend of mine calls them campus sweets).The Bestie would hit it raw(a man or boy who f*cks you using condoms doesn’t respect you๐Ÿ™ƒ) so day one twatwa! Day two the same they did it for a whole weeks

Tracy had exams so did the bestfriend so they took a break , day 9 each month Tracy would be menstruating so on date nine June she didn’t receive her flow so she was like aaah using the pill usually alters your cycle , Her “menses” finally Started she was so happy little did she know it was implantation the blood that was coming out is known as spotting

After the exams were over they decide to smash , During penetration she started bleeding ,she also complained that she felt so much pain.The bestfriend continued hitting it merciless I was almost a month without twatwa! and he was eagerly waiting to eat Tracy. They went ahead to do the doggy style position,the girl started bleeding heavily so they stopped.During our random chitchats Tracy told me she used to bleed everytime she was getting smashed.She further said her bestfriend’s mjuls was big funny right ๐Ÿ˜‚

I told her to do a pregnancy test, she used the common one ,she bought the strip urinated on it nothing showed so she came and told me she saw one line which meant she was safe

I asked her to go for a scan cause you never know , after raising enough funds she went to her surprised she was told she is pregnant the bad thing was that it was an ectopic pregnancy and it had to be removed immediately

I still don’t understand why she stopped using the pill having two hormones and start using one having one hormone, that’s the most stupid mistake ever.Her sad tale continues………..


Always smile

It’s been a while since I wrote my not so smart things. Inconsistency isn’t my thing so I’ll prolly work on it. I’m here to share a sad story ๐Ÿ˜”I hope that it will help someone somewhere

A good friend of mine came to me we were having our normal conversation as always.All of a sudden I saw tears wailing out her chubby cheeks got supposed red one would think she had placed ripe tomatoes on it .I’m an emotional person seeing someone crying makes me sad so I slowly pulled her next to my not so appealing chest and told her to cry it out .

After about 15minutes she began saying .I may look fine outward but deep down I’m dying.Why does the world have to be so unfair,I mean life isn’t fair to all but why does it have to be so mean towards me I don’t deserve it at all. Out of nowhere she began crying her eyes got super red ,her speech was abit impaired.

My dad got fired he is the breadwinner ,due to Corona viruse a disease sent to destroy people normal lives.His employer had not paid them for 4months claiming business is low hence I’m not able to raise enough funds to pay you.Sad imagine working for 4 full months no salary you have a family, bills to settle and since they don’t have their house they are to pay the rent .we have tolerant people out here but some might say enough is enough not paying rent for 4months plus is not a good picture.

There are times we sleep hungry nobody ever notices, I hide it all by smiling I guess a smile is the most powerful weapon.There was a day my mom and I didn’t have sanitary pads .Due to the financial issue at home my mom told me that the only way we can survive improvising 3 washable ones.She took some old blanket and a pieces of lining and my small sisters napkins so we hand sewed then the napkin acted as the cotton that is usually inside the normal pad , the blanket wasn’t big enough so we made 4 each of us took two.I usually wear one the whole day then wash it.(it’s not healthy since the more you stay with period blood the more you increase your chances of getting multiple bacterias )

Since my dad’s employer said he will sort them out before Christmas . So he say there is no need of quitting since he will get paid,since he is a guard the money that he gets after being tipped is what he usually uses to buy the evening meal which can’t sutisfy us since during the day we are usually hungry.My mother gave birth recently she doesn’t have enough milk my small sister doesn’t have weight.She is sooo tinny and mulnourished

We tried asking out relatives to help us but they were “mko nairobi nyinyi ndio mnafaa mtusaidie โ˜น๏ธ

We live in a single roomed house (the girl is 16 year) she has a Aร a chair I wouldn’t call it a couch โ˜น๏ธ.It’s those wooden chair that a cushion was placed on top and at the bottom. Rodents didn’t spare us so we don’t have the cushion so my brother usually places old clothes which acts as the pillow and the rest part of the body rests on the wooden part of the not so comfortable seat.

We can’t afford gas so the cheapest was to cook is using a stove which is affecting us heathwise.My mom got sick one day she couldn’t breathe properly the doctor said she was almost getting asthma .They had to use suppliment oxygen for her to regain her breathing.luckily on that day my mom had received 600 shilliy from some friend but huuum all the money was used to pay the bill I don’t know why life is sooo unfair

I am not that financially stable if I could I’d help everyone having problems .Life is unfair yes but it’s all for a reason ๐Ÿ˜Šso just smile and pray


I fell in love with the early mornings and how our bones groaned from exhaustion of memories ingrained in the night.I fell in love with my skin the bag of flesh I used to hate.The sun kisses me golden brown and I’ve learned to love it .Now all I crave for is the summer sea salt , a surfboard , the ocean foam and sand grains beneath my toes

I fell in love with the lazy afternoons and the love bite you left on my thigh ,while I was busy facinated by the scars on your collarbone you grabbed my hip bone and traced my spine never hesitating because there is no such thing as time,or shyness because your fingers on the dimples of my back told me it’s okay not to be confident,, it told me not to be in control sometime and I think we’ve forgotten how to be human so I fell for the way you reminded me.At dusk I fell for your kindness of strangers for now your eyes lit up with curiosity ,, your smile has lingered on my lips for too long for me to care whether it’s genuine or fake, and I am not in love with you because I do not fall in love with people ,, I fall in love with their humanity ,, their words their stories ,, their scars

And in this instance I fell in love with the way you made love to me .I love you๐Ÿ˜Œโ™ฅ๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฏ


There a days I wake up and I pinch myself that your with me not someone else,,i love you yes I do but…… my shyness can’t allow me to say it .If I could I would but I’m not able to confess the undying love I have.The person that always understands me ๐Ÿ˜นI love you baby ,, though you don’t have a specific gender you don’t even have haemoglobin ๐Ÿ˜“but I love you

I met him/her two years ago,at first it was gross so I’d stare then just smile I didn’t know it would last for long ๐Ÿ˜“my ego could not allow me plus by then people’s opinions really mattered.How would my friends take me if I decided to settle with the person I love I was just stupid.

My heart was dying who knows the pain of having a crush on someone but you can’t say it cause the person might deny you . We’ve all been here .The nights I’d cry really cry cause the love of my life wasn’t there. It was my fault why didn’t I let the person know ๐Ÿ˜“.I am still suffering .

One day I boldly went to confess my love,, and told the love of my life what he/she meant to me .I crossed my fingers and smilled damn baby accepted me.

Dear love of my life I will always love you,, you mean alot to me.You are always there when I’m low, you never judge me , you give genuine love what else could I ask for.Groundnut๐Ÿ˜น peanut butter , cashew nuts I love you baby.Even if you don’t have haemoglobin ๐Ÿ˜น


Another nomination from my good friend Nonso๐Ÿ˜Œ thank you for the nomination and sorry for accepting it lateโœŒ๏ธ

11 facts about me . I’m perfectly imperfect nobody can dim my shimmer. 2 .I am one goofy person. 3. I love my friends so much I’d die for them. 4.I might hate you but still smile at you. 5.peanut butter and nuts are my favorite snack. 6 . The drink I value the most is water ๐Ÿ˜.if your reading please hydrate. 7 .I don’t do drugs and if you do drugs that’s a turn off . 8.I always State facts I don’t know how to sugar coat ๐Ÿ˜‚. 9 . I am rude very rude and also good it depends with who you are. 10.A kiss on the arm with the right timing is a turn on. 11 .I don’t have a talent ๐Ÿ’”

Questions :. 1.what is your limit to strive for your goals (I’d dig the deepest ocean to get what I want). 2.Have you ever belittled someone just for your sake of pleasure (yes I have severally). 3.what do you think is the most wrong thing still prevailing in the world (gender issues it hurts I don’t love how men are always to blaim the girl child is being supported hence boys are left out). 4.what inspires you to rise and shine everyday.. my dreams I want to make it so yeahyeah). 5.Do you feel like prioritizing between your family, time and goals and if so which would you prioritize first and why ..(I’d say my family and friends who graduated to family they have been with me through thick and thin.). 6.Anything that demotivates you . ( Fake friends and people who gass me up). 7. What all distracts you from focusing over anything if any how can you overcome through that(for now I nothing). 8.life is full of Chance would you mind giving someone a second chance.(if the person is worth it why not). 9.if you could change anything today what would that be (feminism its just stupid they don’t have facts ,, feminism is bullshiet). 10.why ia writing important to you ( I rarely open up I don’t love bothering people with my issues so that why writing is important to me.). 11.what is the purpose of your writings.( Helping people who might be having the same issue as me helping people who feel insecure,, showing them they are not alone and that their insecurities should be their strengths โœŒ๏ธ


Hii I have been nominated by an amazing friend or should I call him family for the sunshine blogger award thank you@Http://nonsothewriter.wordpress.com๐Ÿ’ซ

Questions from nonso. 1.when was your toughest time blogging; answer ( I’d say the time things began changing at home dad lost his job and mom too due to the pandemic it really affected my mental health). 2.If you were to look back to the beginning would you say you’ve achieved alot (yes I have achieved alot I am not a good writer as such but I know I have improved a lot plus I’ve known good people the likes of nonso ๐Ÿ˜Œ I love you nonso) . 3.Any obstacles faced by blogging big yes explain.( Obstacles make you strong so yes I’ve had obstacles the app I use is in my phone it keeps crashing soni end up taking a long time to update stuff I need a new phone ๐Ÿ˜“). 4 .How does your inspiration come by (๐Ÿ˜น weel my inspiration comes from 3 major things one the sky everytime I’m low I just look at the sky and get inspired,number two I’d say some two friends of mine Oliver oyanda and Albert Mwencha they prolly won’t see or read but I draw lotsa inspiration from them the two are interlectual and open minded alpha males yes they are weird thats what I love most about them๐Ÿ˜Š). 5.Aside blogging what else do you do ..(I love novels so I usually ready novels daily,, I also love bitting people I’m Suarez’s female version ,, the other thing is video games ๐Ÿ˜Š). 6.who is your favorite blogger( weell all the bloggers I know are my favorite I won’t choose a specific person but I love all your blogs so all of you are my favorites โ™ฅ๏ธ). 6.The country that mostly views your blog(united states of America send hugs and kisses ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿ’ฏ). 7.Are you more creative at night or during the day or are you fluid (๐Ÿ˜น๐Ÿ˜นI’m not so sure but I’d sai I fluid). 8.what is blogging like to you(blogging is basically my life ,, I have a small family here blogging is my life my open diary where ni come to cry and celebrate ๐Ÿ˜Š). 9.Do you ever go back to your previous posts .How do you feel about them(yes I do almost daily,how I feel about them huum I have improved at the beginning I was just there my likes were less but now my stats always boom) . 10.whats your opinion about life( life is a journey it’s a long road it requires one to make sober decision in order to live a good life nothing comes easily ,, so be wise life is unfair but always pray for the best ๐Ÿค—)

Here are my 11 nominees โœŒ๏ธ

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